


Pick and peel then bleed and heal

by Hambarton



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky just wants to help, Clint picks his skin, Dermatillomania, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-04-23 08:10:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19146997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hambarton/pseuds/Hambarton
Summary: Clint can't stop picking at his skin. His fingertips, the scabs from his healing wounds, sometimes even his lips. It was never a problem for his teammates to worry about, until it was.





	1. Pick

It was a movie night, they were watching a historical movie and Clint got so caught up in the suspense that he didn't notice he's started picking at the scab on his ankles. Bucky was sitting on the sofa next to him, getting more and more frustrated about it.

"It's gonna bleed, Clint"

"Huh?" Clint said absent-mindedly, his eyes still glued to the screen.

"Your leg. You're picking at it", Bucky whispered, carefully not to disturb the whole team, especially Steve, who clearly was even more into this movie than Clint.

"Oh, yeah. It's a thing I have. Don't worry if it bleeds I'll just put some band-aids on later"

Bucky didn't seem so sure, still he dropped it at that. But then Clint started to pick on a very stubborn scab that wouldn't come off, making constant little ‘tick’ sounds. The sound was barely audible, but hey, superhearing. Bucky exhaled loudly, slipping a (flesh) hand in Clint's lap, grabbing his hand.

"Shut up"

Clint startled, looked at their hands joined together on his thigh, his mouth hanging open as if ready to say something about it, but decided against it in the end. They went back to watch the movie in silence.

***

The morning after that, Bucky found Natasha before her morning gym routine. He was just curious about Clint's picking, that's all.

"He does that a lot, mostly when he's bored or not concentrated or too concentrated in something. Sometimes he doesn't even realize he's doing it. I tried to get him to stop before, but it's like telling him to go decaf."

"Is it like, an addiction?"

"I'm not sure. But he gets grumpy about it, so I don't push, just get him band-aids", she crossed her arms . "If you can fix it, well, I'll own you one, James"

"I'm not – if you can't do it how can I?"

"You seem to have different method", Natasha cocked one eyebrow, "I didn't see Clint protest last night"

***

Bucky hasn't decided to take on this Stop-Clint-From-Picking mission (SCFP for short) yet, but it wouldn't hurt to do some research right? He typed "skin picking" and google autocompleted it with "disorder". So it could be a serious thing then. He skimmed through a few articles, saw some nasty pictures, watched some youtube videos. They call it dermatillomania, kinda like a form of OCD?? Bucky only knew as much about Clint's "thing" as what Nat told him, so he's not sure if it's a disorder or just a bad habit, but he found some treatment tips, too. Then he stumbled on an article telling him not to try to fix it, since pointing out the problem would only make Clint feel ashamed about it.

But Bucky likes being helpful, okay? After everything with the Winter Soldier, he just wants to do good, and as long as he stays in this tower, he wants to be useful. And he felt pretty good being helpful last night, just holding Clint's hand to stop his picking. It felt nice.

Ugh. Maybe he should ask Clint directly. At least he had to know if he needed his help, otherwise he'd be annoying.

***

Clint got out of his room just as Natasha came back from the gym. Now done with his research, Bucky was helping Bruce flipping pancakes in the kitchen. Seeing Clint bee-lining to the kitchen, Bucky held out his Hawkeye coffee mug.

"Thank fucks you're here". Clint downed the mug in one gulp.

"He's talking to the coffee, not you, James"

"Oh no don't put words in my mouth, Nat, I'm glad Bucky's here too", Clint snapped back, "Who else would I trust to get me my sweet life juice first thing in the morning, eh?"

"Well, me?"

"YOU POISONED ME NAT! I WOULDN'T LET YOU NEAR MY COFFEE EVER AGAIN!!"

"That was just one time and you're still here, fresh and alive, right?"

"I WAS PARALYZED FOR A WEEK!"

"You need to let it go, Hawkeye"

Nat reached for her pancake just as Sam and Steve came back from their running. Bucky handed out pancakes for everyone, a series of thanks was thrown his and Bruce's way.

"These pancakes look flipping delicious, Buck", Clint licked his lips cartoonishly

"Bruce made it, I just give him a hand"

"You don't have a lot of those, dude, don't give it out so freely", Clint said between his chewing.

Bucky stopped short. Did it mean Clint was annoyed that he stopped him from picking last night? Is he being annoying getting his nose in others' business? Should he drop SCFP afterall?

He realized Clint was looking at him with a hint of concern and guilt. "Dude, I'm sorry. Shouldn't joke about that. I thought you were ... punning with me? Guess not. Sorry about that. Now please say something or Steve will kill me for my insensitiveness"

Bucky snapped out of his frowning look. "No. Totally pun intended for that one. I was just thinking about this stuff", he took a deep breath, "Can I talk to you later?"

"Me? Uh, sure?" He didn't look so sure. "I didn't upset you, did I?", Clint squeaked.

"Of course not. Now eat"

"You boys are so adorable", Nat squinted at them amusedly.

***

After breakfast, Steve’s beaten Bucky to wash the dishes, and everyone has gone off to do their own thing, so that left him with Clint in the common room right now.

"I just want to ask you about, um, your skin picking thing."

"Oh". It sounded like a bad 'oh'. Bucky braced himself, but Clint just lowered his voice. "Sorry if it bothered you last night. Sometimes I don't even know what I’m doing"

"No it’s fine, I understand. But – do you want me to help you?"

Clint hesitated for a second. "Help how?"

"I did some researches and –", Bucky cursed himself, now Clint would think he's been thinking about that a lot, so much for not making him feel conscious, "they got some tips to treat your uh, habit."

"Bucky, you don't have to do this. I'm mostly fine I swear!"

"I know I just – I just want to be helpful". Maybe this was a bad idea after all. He should stop worrying about other people’s problems. He hoped Clint wouldn't hate him for it. "Or maybe I should leave you alone"

Clint was quick to stop him before he walked away. "No, I mean, yesterday you kinda help a lot?", Clint touched his arm reassuringly. "How about this, we'll make a deal, okay? If you see me zoning out and picking, maybe just, ground me back?"

Bucky is no stranger to the whole grounding thing. When he first moved in the towers, Steve was his grounding buddy, hugging him just a bit extra hard to remind him where he was when things were getting too much. Soon, everyone jumped on that train, bumping and shoving and poking and sometimes hugging him, too, and suddenly casual touch is just something that Bucky has no problem with. He has his friends now.

And friends help each other, right?

"Deal". And then just in case, he asked "What you don't want me to do?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh, I hate it when someone points it out when I'm in the middle of it. Like, "Stop picking. Stop that. It's gross", like that. It only makes me pick faster. Look, Buck, I know it’s a problem, okay? I know it’s gross, but it’s hard to quit and I don’t know –"

"It’s fine, I won't judge."

"Thanks a lot, Buck. You’re cool to do this"


	2. Peel

The next time it happened, it was during a conference with SHIELD. Bucky couldn't blame Clint, it was boring. He saw Clint mindlessly touched the dry skin on his finger before moving to the seat in front of him.

"Hey. Braid my hair"

Clint startled, but obeyed nevertheless. His hands started to work through Bucky's dark hair, combing through them with his fingers and dividing them into multiple sections. Clint worked slowly, though Bucky knew he has braided Natasha's hair many time before. He could've finished his hair in a few minutes, but decided to drag it on, in case this conference's not gonna end soon. Steve stared at them furiously for one hot minute, but Bucky didn’t care. If Steve wanted to listen to boring lectures from Nick Fury, he’s welcomed to do so. But Bucky would rather just sat back, enjoying being helpful and getting his hair braided by Clint _at the same time_.

Nat held out her phone to take pictures when it’s done. Bucky turned his back to show off his half-braid half-bun, but then Clint tapped on his shoulder, making him turn back to face the camera. 

"Oh my god it’s Bucky Barnes! I’m your biggest fan! You’re like, the most gorgeous superhero in the world, man! Can I have a picture please?" Clint gushed in a high-pitched voice, his pretended surprise made Bucky snort out loud.

"Sure, Hawkeye"

They moved closer, Clint’s making a peace sign with his left hand, his right arm resting softly on Bucky’s back. Bucky wondered for a split second if he should do the same. Although he’s mostly okay with touch now, there are still times when he hates his cold metal arm.  He always tucks it in, even when hugging Steve. But then he remembered Clint was cool about it since his first day in the tower, making casual jokes about it but never inconsiderate. Clint never flinches from the metallic coldness like Bruce sometimes does. Clint makes it feel so _normal_. Bucky didn't know why he thought Clint would mind at all, probably that was just his anxiety acting up. He willed himself to relax, his metal hand hovered on Clint's lower back, and Clint leaned into the touch without a second thought. Bucky smiled softly in relief. They were so close that when Bucky turned his head to glance at Clint’s huge eye-shutting grin, his lips brushed Clint’s cheek lightly. It happened so fast, just a quick peck so Bucky was sure Clint could hardly feel it. If he did, he didn't seem to mind, though.

Bucky never knew if Natasha caught that, she wouldn't let them see the pictures at all. 

***

Clint picked his lips nervously as he tried to think up a story for his 6-months-late mission report. Bucky never saw Clint doing his paperwork before, partly because Clint always procrastinates and only does it every several months when the paper stack reaches his chin. That day though, he was wanting to find Clint to show him the moisturizer and hand lotion he bought for him (Bruce has helped pick them, all vegan and cruelty-free). When Clint noticed Bucky was in the office, he quickly licked his lips clean, but couldn’t hide his blood-caked nails 

"And here I thought your lips were naturally pink". Bucky sat down across from him, picking up a file with bloody fingerprints, and pretended to read a few pages.

"Help me, Buck. I’m kind of dying here", Clint buried his face in his arms.

"Don’t think I can. It’s your fault though"

"Yeah I know. I hate past-Clint. He keeps giving these kinds of trouble". Clint looked up, finally noticing the tubes Bucky brought with him. "Hey, what’s this? You got these for me?"

"Yeah. You should use them. They’re the good stuffs, not like the purple ones you got so they’ll definitely help." At least that’s what the sale assistant has told him. 

"Aww, Bucky you’re the best!!!" Clint opened the cap, accidentally squeezed out a little bit too much hand lotion. "Ooops. Wanna share?"

Bucky wiped his ring finger on Clint's palm, taking a small portion for himself. Then he remembered.

"Little help?"

"Oh shit I'm sorry. Just, wait a sec"

Clint rubbed his hands together in a rush, then walked to Bucky. He took Bucky's right hand in his and massaged it gently. Their hands still wet from the excessive cream, so Clint moved up to massage Bucky's forearm as well. Bucky didn't stop him, even though it was Clint who should be using the lotion, not him, but it felt nice being taken care of once in a while, right? Besides, Clint's hands were so warm he knew he'd regret it if he moved away.

Bucky sneaked a glance at Clint's now-bleeding-again lips when he's too attentive to notice. He had an urge to reach out and wipe the blood off, but stopped himself. If it wouldn't get infected then his lotioned hand would definitely hurt Clint. Instead, he reached behind Clint for a napkin, his metal arm almost wrapped around him entirely. Clint leaned forward, pressing his body against him, then realizing what Bucky was trying to do, he moved away immediately. 

"Aww Bucky you kinda embarrassed me right there. I thought I won a hug!", Clint pouted, making his lips bleed even more. Bucky dabbed at the blood with the napkin and Clint stopped short. He swallowed hard. Bucky noticed it and adjusted the pressure. "Sorry. That probably hurts. I'll do it gentler"

"No, it's just – forget it"

"You know what, it'll probably easier if you just stop talking!"

So Clint shut up, his eyes looking down at Bucky. Suddenly Bucky felt a blush creeping up his cheeks. He didn't realize how close they were again. He shuffled his feet and moved away once all the blood's wiped off. 

 

Bucky left the office with a buzzing feeling in his stomach. He’d wanted to stay with Clint and help him making up excuses for his debrief files, but he's promised Steve they'd spar later. He shook off the thoughts of how warm and soft Clint's lips were under his fingertips, how soft his eyes were when he looked at him. It was a weird thought, so Bucky told himself he was just worrying about his friend. Maybe he should ask Bruce's recommendation for lip balm, too.

***

"I heard Nat said you and Clint were getting along well"

Bucky dodged a left hook aimed for his stomach, still he felt as if he got the air knock out of him. Why did he feel like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't? Bucky racked his brain for an answer. It could be because he hasn't told Steve about his SCFP mission yet. He never kept secrets from Steve before, but then again he didn't know if Steve knew about Clint's skin picking (after all, Steve is oblivious most of the time), so he wasn't going to talk about it right now. 

"Yeah, we're sniper bros", Bucky breathed.

"What do you think of him", Steve noticed the puzzled look on Bucky face, then quickly added, "one sniper bro to another?"

"He's good"

"And?"

"And what?"

"Personality and stuffs? I'm the team leader, Bucky, I need to know about my team"

"He's nice. He got good heart." Bucky managed to trip Steve. "He's loyal to those who he loves, so you don't have to worry about him betraying you or anything –"

"I'm not saying –"

"–he'd burn down the world for Natasha, though"

"Duh, they're best friends? I too would burn down the world for you". Steve held out a hand for Bucky to help him up  

"Yeah. That you did", Bucky said in a low voice.

Steve put a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "I'm really glad for you, Bucky. You're looking so happy lately"

"Stop it, Steve", he chuckled. Steve always looks like a mom saying stuffs like that. "C'mon, you tired yet?"

***

Clint appeared in the gym an hour later. He mindlessly picked up his bow and quiver, not aware of Bucky and Steve on the other side of the room. Bucky watched him practicing his aim on moving targets for a few minutes before approaching.

"You finished your work?"

Clint lowered his arms and turned to look at Bucky. "Nat gave me her files. I just gotta copy it and make some changes so it’s not obvious." Bucky found himself return Clint's michievous smile like an idiot.

"Oh hey, I’ve wanted to ask you this", Bucky suddenly remembered, "Do everyone know about your picking problem?"

"Nat knows. Bruce knows, I think. The rest, maybe? I’m not sure. I think they noticed. Probably didn’t think it was a big deal, so they never asked, and I never thought about telling them. What’s wrong?" Clint furrowed his brows.

"Nothing. Steve was asking me about stuffs and I thought about telling him that I’m helping you with it, but I never knew if he knew about it in the first place so I didn’t say anything." Clint’s face relaxed and Bucky realized his did too, now that Clint didn’t seem so upset. "It won’t be right, you should be the one who tells him. If you want."

Bucky thought it was just a right thing to do, but Clint blinked unbelievably. "Wow. You’re an angel, Buck."


	3. Bleed

Clint said he'd talk about his skin picking problem with the team soon ("I don't see why not? We're family, right?"), Bucky just didn't think it'd be right the next movie night. They still sat together, hand intertwined, a habit they've fallen into since that day Bucky found out about Clint's condition. Right after the screen faded to black and credits started to roll, Clint fake-coughed to get everyone's attention.

"I got something to tell you guys"

Bucky saw Natasha nudging Bruce and pointing and giggling at Clint. Natasha and Clint always tease each other, Bucky knows that, but he couldn't help but feeling a strange protectiveness for his friend. 

"It's probably important, guys", he grumbled, squeezing Clint's hand to show his support at the same time. Bucky noticed Bruce was staring at him with wide eyes and mouth hanging open, but he didn't care. They deserved it.

"Um, thanks, Buck. I was wanting to tell you guys about ... this thing I have? I believe you noticed it, but I think I should, uh, make it official"

"Out with it, Clint!". Natasha looked as if she could barely contain herself, which was a rare look of her.

"Okay so I have this disorder. It called dermatillomania. Um, basically it means I pick my skin obsessively? Like, I can't help it, and it just happens. It's partly why I'm always covered in bandaids", Clint shrugged non-chalantly, looking down at his lap, "I used to be super ashamed about it, but I think I've been getting better? Or at least I want to get better now. Buck's been helping me a lot."

Clint lifted his head to see his friends' reaction. The excited look on Natasha's face was replaced by a soft look of understanding, but not before Bucky caught her lips pressing in disappointment. Steve gave Bucky a quizzical look. _Wasn't my place to tell_ , Bucky tried to tell Steve with his eyes. It was Sam who broke the silence.

"How do you feel when you do it? Like, do you think it's because of anxiety or some other thing?"

Bucky has read about how this disorder could be related to some other stuffs like anxiety and ADHD, but he never asked Clint about it. Mostly, he didn't know how.

"No, I don't think so. When I pick my mind just goes blank. Sometimes I'll stop once it starts to bleed, which makes it sound like I'm trying to hurt myself but I swear it has nothing to do with it. It's just a thing I have"

"Is there anything we can help?" Steve asked sincerely.

"Uhhh, if you see me in the middle of picking my skin, please don't comment on it? I don't think it'd help at all. Other than that, I don't even know. Buck has read a bunch of stuffs online, though." He turned to Bucky. "What do you think?"

Everyone was looking at Bucky curiously, making him feel a bit self-concious, but also kinda proud. Not everyday Bucky's in this position. Natasha's position. _Ask me about Clint_ _Barton_ position. "Maybe you could use a humidifier. It's getting colder, your skin can get dry and you'll be more tempted to pick"

Tony rubbed his hands together at that. "Oooo Jarvis can help with that. J?"

"Should I set it up for Agent Barton's room only or for the whole tower, Sir?"

"Make it whole tower, J. Who knows where this bird go sometimes. Besides I hate my skin dry too".

"Thanks, Tones"

"Hey, anything for my favorite bird"

"I'm right here", Sam deadpanned

"Chirp chirp", Tony made a talking hand.

Bucky felt idiotically happy, surrounded by these people. His friends now, he reminded himself. It's weird, how half a year ago he wouldn't even get out of his room, let alone talk to anyone. He was grateful, but simply didn't think he deserved it. All of this. A second chance. A family.

Steve stood up, gesturing everyone to do the same, "C'mon, group hug". Bucky being the closest to Clint, wrapped both of his arms around Clint in a tight hug. Then Steve, Sam, Natasha, Bruce and Tony, all squeezed up against each other. They giggled at the tangle of bodies but didn't let go until much later.

***

Bucky learned a lot about the team's alcohol tolerance today. 

Unsurprisingly, Natasha's a beast (not to the supersoldier level like Steve and him, but not human either), but that means she wouldn't stop drinking had Steve not stop her. Bruce turns all red after four shots and keeps giggling at everyone. Sam refuses to get more drunk than just a bit tipsy. Tony gets really defensive if somebody tells him he's drunk ("I'M NOT DRUNK!! I'M IRON MAN!!!!"). And Clint, well, he's still Clint, just drunker. Bucky chose to stay with him and watch over a very happy Bruce and a very sleepy Natasha on the couch, while Steve and Sam tried to force Tony back to his room.

"Buckbuckbuckbuck, Buck-KY!" Clint was doing a terrible imitation of a chicken clucking, grinning like an idiot he is. Bucky watched him with a fond smile. _How are you even real, Clint Barton?_

"Hey, Buck", Clint tugged his sleeves out of a sudden.

"What?"

"You're so nice to me. Why are you so nice to me?"

Bucky used to think it was because he wants to help whoever he can. But on second thought, maybe not just whoever, right? He's skipped several cleaning duties to hang out with Clint after breakfast, telling himself he was just trying to prevent Clint's picking; he refused to get up to get Sam more popcorn during movies, though he sat the nearest to the door, because it means he'd have to let go of Clint's hand, and it might bleed when Bucky came back, and he'd hide his hands away which means they couldn't hold hands anymore. He likes the casual touch, the stupid jokes, and all those times his stomach does a flip around Clint, but still he finds reasons to be with him. Bucky had suspicions about why, and hell, everyone's drunk now, so he figured it wouldn't hurt to test it out.

"I think I like you", he said, mostly to himself. Maybe this was what Clint feels when he picks his skin til it bleeds. _"It stings for a moment, but then you'll just feel relief"_ , he used to say. And it's kinda addictive, Bucky found, so he repeated it, looking straight in Clint's eyes this time

"I like you too, Buck–" Clint burped loudly, making Bruce giggle even more, Bucky tugged his lips, _idiot_ , "I like you. You're cute. You're nice. But like, you're a badass. Seriously. I like you so much". Clint moved closer, reaching to play with Bucky's hair. It felt so comfortable and right that for a moment Bucky wished Clint was sober, that this was real and not just under the influence of alcohol. "You're a good person. Hope you won't leave". The hand in Bucky's hair sagged around his shoulders, and Clint's head dropped and nuzzled to his neck. His body turned all warm and fuzzy.

"Don't throw up on me, Clint"

"No why would – I'm just gonna – I need to rest a bit", he breathed

"Okay". Bucky took out Clint's hearing aids, then took his other hand in his own, just out of habit.

As soon as Steve and Sam came back, Bruce sprang up and cried out "They're IN LOVE, guys!!!", making Bucky jumped a bit. Clint, on his side, simply stirred, his face buried deeper in Bucky's neck as if to prove Bruce's point. Steve looked at them with wide eyes but didn't say a word.

"Told you!" Natasha groaned, unmoving from her sleeping position. "Remind me to collect my money tomorrow, boys".

"Come on, y'all gonna freeze here. Let's get you back to your room". Bucky almost thanked Sam. He really didn't want to deal with Natasha and Bruce betting on his love life right now. Steve hooked an arm around Bruce and helped him walk back to his room, while Sam carried Natasha back to hers, but not before getting a kick on his face, of course.  

That left Bucky with Clint, who basically was clinging to him like a koala. Bucky would've stayed like this for a while longer, but Sam's right, it's getting cold, Clint might need more than just his body heat. He shook Clint awake and helped him to his feet.

***

Bucky met Steve in the kitchen when he got back from Clint's room and ugh, now he gotta explain to Steve about everything.

"You don't have to explain anything", Steve said before Bucky could even start. He was getting water for the entire team so they got it first thing when they woke up. Always a motherhen, that's Steve. 

"He's drunk. He won't remember about it tomorrow"

Steve stopped short and turned to look intentively at Bucky "That's what you want?"

Of course Bucky didn't. Hell, he's wanted this to mean something. But Steve's worried face was making him anxious, so he just replied with another question "Why would it matter?"

"Well, cause if you're just playing with him, if it's just a stupid drunk game to you, I think you both gonna regret it." Steve put all the glasses of water on a tray with a heavy sigh. "He's not drunk. Nat said Clint'd never got himself drunk. _Never_. His dad was an alcoholic, remember?"

Bucky didn't know what to say. He thought Clint was just talking non-sense, that's why he got the courage to tell him he liked him in the first place. Then again, he did _want_ this to be real, right? He's wished Clint was sober so this could mean something. Turned out he was, but what Bucky's gonna do now?  

Steve pushed a glass to his hand "For Clint", then left with his tray.


	4. Heal

When Bucky walked back to Clint's room, he was not on his side like how Bucky left him. Instead, Clint was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling and picking his fingers frantically. Bucky put the glass of water on the nightstand and picked up a box of band-aid on the floor. He stepped into Clint's eyesight and offered him some, making him jump in surprise.

_Sorry_ , Bucky signed. Clint took the band-aids and got up. He fumbled for his hearing aids, but once he put it on, they both fell into an awkward silence. Clint reached for the glass of water, taking a big gulp just so he didn't have to say anything. Bucky sat on the edge of the bed, staring at anywhere but Clint.

"So, you're not drunk", he finally said.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to trick you or anything. I thought you knew. Sorry if I, uh, made you feel uncomfortable back there."

"No I was stupid". I should've known you hated alcohol. I should've known it was the monster of your childhood.

Clint's murmur was barely audible. "I know you'll regret this. I'm a terrible friend." His expression so miserable Bucky wanted to reach out and hug him and fix everything.

"Clint, I–", Bucky tried, but Clint cut him off.

"You've been too good for me and – and I don’t know why I keep using you like this?" Clint hugged his knees and hid his face in his arms. "I'm sorry. You need a better friend, Buck"

"Clint, sweetheart, look at me please", Bucky turned to the other man. Clint peered at him from the crook of his arm, his eyes welled with tears. "Why would I need a better friend?"

"Cause you just want to help and I keep catching all these stupid feelings for you. I just can't seem to leave you alone and I know it makes you uncomfortable. You probably were just joking around back there and here I thought I had a chance or something! Now I've messed it up and you're regretting it."

"But I wasn't joking around! I thought you were drunk so that's why I even got the nerves to tell you that, otherwise I'd just burry _my own_ stupid feelings inside!" _God they were stupid._ Clint looked up at Bucky, his face a mess of tears and hope. Bucky took a deep breath and whispered softly. "I really like you, Clint. I feel weird whenever I'm around you. I think I tried to tell myself it's because I like being a helpful friend. But my stomach shouldn't get all fuzzy whenever I help a friend, right? And my chest shouldn't feel like it's gonna explode whenever my friends touch me, right?"

"Sounds more like I give you anxiety", Clint gave him a weak laugh through his tears.

"Don't ruin it, idiot." Bucky pushed his side playfully

"What if you really just want to help others and I'm conveniently the only human disaster around?", Clint looked at Bucky with sad, tired eyes.

"Tony's a disaster too, but I don't want to kiss him, do I?". Clint smiled shyly, and Bucky's pretty sure he's blushing. _So pretty_. He lowered his voice "I don't think I need a better friend. I think – I want us to be more than friends"

He took his time to take in Clint's face and leaned in nervously. Clint licked his lips wet right before their lips met, gently at first then quickly turned more passionate. Clint wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck, making him lose balance for a second, then Clint lowered both of them to the bed, not even breaking away. Bucky ran his hand over Clint's cheek as he bit down on his lower lip.

"Thought you're trying to stop my lips from bleeding, not causing it?", Clint managed between his ragged breath when they finally broke away.

"You're complaining?"

"Nope". Clint moved to plant kisses along his jaw, then sucked on his neck hungrily, hands slided under his shirt. He groaned and craned his neck to give Clint a better access. Clint smiled proudly at Bucky's desperation. "I almost did this back on the couch, you know?", Clint's voice muffled against Bucky's skin.

"I would've let you if I didn't think you were gonna throw up on me"

"Wait why are we talking about this again? Shirt. Out. Please"

Bucky's skin was burning under his shirt. He wiggled out of it with a little help from Clint. Suddenly he felt a little bit self-concious. He's taken his shirt off multiple times and in front of multiple people, but never in a situation this intimate. He felt so bare in front of the person he loved so much, and it was scary. Clint took off his shirt as well, his hearing aid fell off and landed on Bucky's stomach.

"We're so pathetic", Bucky said to himself before Clint could put his hearing aid back on.

"You're so gorgeous, Buck", Clint gave him a lazy smile. He laid down on top of Bucky, his skin burning hot against him and just like that, Bucky stopped giving his anxiety thoughts attention. Clint's here. And Bucky wants him closer.

***

"You have hickeys on your neck"

"Uh huh", Clint nodded absent-mindly, then as if he just registered what Natasha just said, he let out a squeak and looked down his shoulder. Once realization came over him, Clint squinted at Natasha, "I don't have hickeys on my neck".

"You really can't function without your coffee, can you?" (Bucky has stayed in Clint's bed a little later than normal this morning, so he hasn't got his coffee yet). Natasha handed him a mug before he could even glance at the coffee machine. "You don't think I'll let you burn your tongue this early, right?" Clint gladly took the mug and downed it in one gulp, groaning in satisfaction.

"You guys dating now?", Natasha asked, glancing back and forth at Clint and Bucky.

Clint looked to Bucky hesitantly. They haven't talked about it yet, what's this between them. Bucky shrugged lazily, tell her if you want.

"Yeah", Clint cleared his throat, trying to sound casual

"Hear that Bruce? Pay up!", Natasha cried, "You think just saying you _blackouted and can't remember what happened last night_ –" she said with a mocking tone, "– will get you out of this, huh?"


End file.
